Well you'll have to do UV mapping, but there's hundreds- maybe thousands- of face textures I can send you if you want. I'll PM them if you're interested.
So let's say I did that, but all of a sudden when I move the parent hierarchy to root_0 that certain pieces of the model become giant and float above the new model. What am I supposed to do then?
Yeah dude. I think @@Cerez could model literally anything he (she?) wanted to at this point. Very crafty, considering he/she figured out how to use the shaders to their advantage. Obviously pretty good with textures as well.