I don't know you that well, but I've been in a similar place myself for the past 3 years. If you ever need to talk, or even just vent, please, please talk to me. I don't think anyone cares more about the maps then your feelings. You are important, you matter and you should feel like you matter. If you have no one there, just know, whether I know you well or not, I care about you, and I want you to be okay and someday rise above all this depression. I sometimes feel like I don't belong either, this community can be harsh and expect so much and be so ungrateful sometimes and it sucks.