Jump to content

Just Rosh going for a walk.


Recommended Posts

Posted

and on the eighth day, God looked down on His planned Star Wars video game and said, "I need a douchebag." so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need someone whose very introduction to the player will be so annoying that hours later, they'll turn to the dark side of the Force for the sheer pleasure of murdering him in cold blood." so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need someone who's strong enough to be a level boss, but weak enough to get killed by another level boss. Somebody to call a rival, a friend, a villain, an enemy, and an obnoxious boil on the ass of your character. Somebody whose life hangs in the balance when you have to choose between the light and the darkness, and yet if you choose the light, his very survival seems like a tragic mistake." so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need someone so irritating that when the light side cutscene plays and Alora chops off his arm instead of his head, the player can only dry their eyes and say, 'Maybe next play-through.' I need somebody who can't swing a lightsaber worth a damn, who needs a couple of creepy twins to make him a threat, who will boss you around and brag to no end, who can't decide which side of the Force he's on, and who keeps using that damn Force Healing if you get far enough away from him. And who, despite his patent inferiority to even your own boring character in every way, is nonetheless supposed to be taken for a rival." so God made Rosh.

 

God had to have somebody who could get himself captured while staring at rocks in a desolate patch of space and yet thought it was a good idea to side with the woman who looks like a confused Xena cosplayer. so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need somebody strong enough to maybe match a Shadowtrooper, but weak enough to beat with one lightsaber and some middling Force powers. It had to be somebody that you were meant to both like and hate, but in practice you just hate. Somebody to whine, cry, bitch, moan, throw tantrums and pitch fits and switch sides and finish the whole game's work with a forced lesson about humility and patience.

 

"Somebody who'd always make you feel better about your bland, boring, personality-less character just by the positive comparison of not being as annoying, so that the player, with smiling eyes, will sit back at the end of the game and say, 'At least Jaden wasn't like that.'"

 

so God made Rosh.

Posted

and on the eighth day, God looked down on His planned Star Wars video game and said, "I need a douchebag." so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need someone whose very introduction to the player will be so annoying that hours later, they'll turn to the dark side of the Force for the sheer pleasure of murdering him in cold blood." so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need someone who's strong enough to be a level boss, but weak enough to get killed by another level boss. Somebody to call a rival, a friend, a villain, an enemy, and an obnoxious boil on the ass of your character. Somebody whose life hangs in the balance when you have to choose between the light and the darkness, and yet if you choose the light, his very survival seems like a tragic mistake." so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need someone so irritating that when the light side cutscene plays and Alora chops off his arm instead of his head, the player can only dry their eyes and say, 'Maybe next play-through.' I need somebody who can't swing a lightsaber worth a damn, who needs a couple of creepy twins to make him a threat, who will boss you around and brag to no end, who can't decide which side of the Force he's on, and who keeps using that damn Force Healing if you get far enough away from him. And who, despite his patent inferiority to even your own boring character in every way, is nonetheless supposed to be taken for a rival." so God made Rosh.

 

God had to have somebody who could get himself captured while staring at rocks in a desolate patch of space and yet thought it was a good idea to side with the woman who looks like a confused Xena cosplayer. so God made Rosh.

 

God said, "I need somebody strong enough to maybe match a Shadowtrooper, but weak enough to beat with one lightsaber and some middling Force powers. It had to be somebody that you were meant to both like and hate, but in practice you just hate. Somebody to whine, cry, bitch, moan, throw tantrums and pitch fits and switch sides and finish the whole game's work with a forced lesson about humility and patience.

 

"Somebody who'd always make you feel better about your bland, boring, personality-less character just by the positive comparison of not being as annoying, so that the player, with smiling eyes, will sit back at the end of the game and say, 'At least Jaden wasn't like that.'"

 

so God made Rosh.

 

And he saw that it was good.

Omicron, Circa and the_raven like this
  • 4 years later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...