On Rose's Wings

[TwinHits]

Alright, so this is an art form I haven't seen on JKhub yet.

 

It's simply writing, it's a story that I want to share. Before you groan and roll your eyes about some random guy's novel that he thinks is the greatest thing ever, take a moment to read this post.

 

I've always been a Star Wars kid, and I remember when I was really young making up huge fights and battles in my mind when I was supposed to be trying to sleep. When I started listening to music, these fights became choreography to the music. Characters began to emerge and a story began to build. Over the last five years, I've begun to fill in the plot holes, flesh out the characters, and write a story. 

 

This is not your normal Star Wars story, I like to think of it as kind of a gritty reboot. It asks the question of "What if the Jedi were real?" and takes the idea of the Jedi and throws it at real life and sees what happens. Kinda like what the Transformers movies did.

 

What I got was a story about Jedi and their struggles with themselves, with their duty, and with their seemingly contradictory nature. There's guns and lightsabers, club dancing and sweet guitar riffs, governments and secret powers, drugs and sex, faith and doubt, Jedi and Sith.

 

Oh, also, it's a musical. The songs that inspired the characters and the story are still in there. I've linked the appropriate starting point where the lyrics become dialogue and the highs, lows, and beat of the music govern the action.

 

I have posted the first chapter, the longest one. (and I've only posted the first cause I'm actually still kind of embarrassed). If you read it, which I definitely think you should, please leave a comment asking questions, telling me what you thought was confusing, or what you think is going to happen next. A great comment to leave would be one saying what you liked or did not like and what you think is going to happen next. That lets me know what kind of impressions I'm giving.

In addition, almost all the names in this story are borrowed without notice or permission, They do not in any way reflect that person, it's just when I came up with these characters, they reminded me of some people that I knew and now I can't think of them any other way. I do want to change the name of the character TwinHits though, because its not a good idea to name a main character after yourself =X.

 

Anyway, without further ado, I would like to present to you a story about Star Wars, and not one like any you have read before.

On Rose's Wings
This story is dedicated to every member of The Order {TO}, past and present, for the inspiration they have given me day in and day out for nine years.

[TwinHits]

~The Strongest Among You ~

   Maybe this is what normal is like. It's like one of those nights where you see a young couples walking down the street laughing or a group of friends headed out for a night of fun they probably won't remember. Everyone seems happy and nothing could possibly be expected to go wrong. Normal people don't expect things to go wrong, only people like policeman, military commanders, disaster relief, and superheroes. Then again, those were the people that were needed on far more and far different nights than this one.

   They certainly weren't needed here in the college club. While lots happens on the dance floor, none of it is truly dangerous. It was a new place, nothing extraordinary and nothing expected to be around in a few years. Soon enough, everyone will forget about this place. Just like all the others, they begin to close down save the extraordinarily lucky. This one was trying to break out of the pack by focusing on underage college coeds. The idea was that if you had a high cover charge and not care about people already drunk, lots of young college students would flock to the music in order to get away with stuff they would prefer others not be there to witness.

   It was also, he noted, another place for young people to feel awkward. 

   He hated feeling awkward, it was such a new experience for him after an unusual life. He knew he was the same age as them, had roughly the similar interests, and had a certain amount of their respect. Yet, they still seemed so far away, like he was a stranger to a culture he was suddenly thrust into. They seemed so much more experienced, clam, and brave. They knew what they were doing, ordering drinks and dancing scary close to each other on the dance floor. Ashley would feel right at home here, he bet, she had skills they could appreciate. All he could do that they might appreciate was play guitar and sing, but he had already done that. That, and unrelated skills, was all he had.
   
   He turned back from the dance floor and returned to the confusing conundrum of exactly how to properly order a drink from a bar. The bartender finally turned to him, looking expectant.

   "Um, right, can I get unsweetened iced tea please?"

   The bartender blinked a bit, turned around, and tapped on his bartending computer screen. Twin felt like this was a step closer to success, but felt like the bartender had judged him for his choice of drink. It was a strange feeling being judged, it wasn't something many people did to him. Twin made a mental note not to order from this bartender next time, lest he be remembered and judged again.

   "May I join you?"

   Oh God, he thought, someone is talking to me. This was also a strange feeling for him, being scared to talk to someone. He guessed that came from being so out of his element. Suddenly, a more immediate concern occurred to him.

    Oh God, a girl is talking to me.

   He had no problem with girls, he had known some all his life, like Ashley. The only problem was that they were the only girls he had ever known. He rarely encountered other girls his age and when he did flirting was not exactly an immediate goal. He finally turned and faced the arrival.

   "Yeah, I guess." He said, sudden unexplained instinct told him to be annoyed. So he did. Maybe it would make him look less awkward. He had not been trained for this.

   She was an unusual sight. She was one of those girls who you didn't usually notice walking around campus. She was a little taller than average with a generous amount of rich brown hair. What was fascinating was her face. At first you may not notice her as special, but a moment's careful consideration showed her to be incredibly beautiful. Classy, was the word he picked for it, an inexplicable power to turn beauty on and off at will. The ability to be the center of the room or quietly away in the corner simply by how she held herself. 

   "Thanks, may I have whatever he's having please?" 

   He suspected he was going to be expected to pay for this drink, although he decided he did not mind. Money was not a concern that he had. The drinks quickly found their way to their hand and they took sips in sync. She subsequently made a face and looked at him in question.
   
   "It's unsweetened iced tea, it's a long story."

   She smiled and reached for the sweetener box and a lemon slice. "So tell me, who are you?"

   A million images flooded into his mind all at once, some he held fondly and others that caused him to twitch when he remembered them. What a complex question, he thought, and with an appreciation for the rare, he figured a simple answer was called for.

   "I'm TwinHits." He said somewhat flatly, knowing exactly what was coming next and preparing his answer.
   
   "TwinHits. That's a strange name." 

   "I have strange parents," He paused while she smiled. "I get that a lot."

   She nodded. "My name is Sarah. My name isn't nearly as interesting as yours."

   "I've never met a Sarah before."

   She laughed. "You must not get around a lot."

   "Not really...Well, no, I don't get around a lot."

   They both took another drink. Sarah looked up at him while his mind desperately looked for another topic. He wished he was more interesting. To his relief, she came to the rescue.

   " I saw you play today, with Kyle, you certainly stole the show."

   "Oh," He reddened a little more. 'I didn't mean to, I was just doing what Kyle told me to." He looked over to the corner where the bass player was standing talking to a shorter generously endowed girl with long black hair. He saw him, raised his glass, and winked. The girl turned around and waved before they returned to their conversation.
   
   "I think that was the point, you are very good, much better than me." 

   Twin felt a raise of hope, something they have in common! He was pretty sure that's what normal people talked about. "You play too?"

   "Not very well, I sing too. Nothing compared to what you guys just played. I think it's awesome that this club invites local groups to play. Why did you pick that song? I didn't think anyone liked that song but the way you played it made it seem like so much more."

   "Oh, yeah, well," He reddened even more, "Kyle said it was special to him, something about-"

   "Well, the man of the hour!" Kyle and the long black haired girl appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Kyle threw his arm around Twin and the smell of pregame rum crinkled Twin's nose. "This guy, I mean...yeah! This guy!"

   Now that he was closer, he recognized the girl from the group that performed before his just half an hour earlier. She seemed to notice his widened eyes because she stuck out her hand.

   "I'm Arielle, by the way."

   "Yeah, you sang today." He said, thinking back to the performance.

   She blinked. "Um, why, yes, I did."

   "You were very good, that's what I meant."

   "So's this guy!" Kyle said again, turning the conversation back to how awesome he thought Twin was, and by extension how awesome Kyle thought Kyle was. "You're awesome!" He said before they left the two of them alone again.

   Twin turned again around towards Sarah, hoping his mind would catch up with him before he got there and find something he could say. Preferably something intelligent, funny, and with a nod towards how attractive he hoped he appeared. 

   Instead, something else happened.

   Instead, the pit of his stomach filled with dread, a feeling of dread that felt all too familiar. A danger sense. His training kicked in immediately so much so that by the time his head had turned to face Sarah, he was standing with a slightly puzzled look on his face with his eyes searching the room for whatever it was that he sensed.

   She looked up at him and matched his puzzled expression. "What's wrong?"

   In an instant, they both knew. The door to the club slammed open and seven figures armored in black unlabeled police SWAT gear entered, each holding a rifle and scanning the room. The lights instantly went on and the music stopped. Several people screamed, someone began crying. The officer in front put down his rifle, pulled out his sidearm, and shot the ceiling. Everyone hit the floor, save Twin, and everything was silent.

   He felt a sudden calm replace the dread. He, of all people, knew evil existed in the world. He knew exactly what was going on. These men were not evil, but an evil force had directed them here. Evil was terribly predictable, but this was going to be a messy situation because of it. He was probably going to have to switch colleges barely a week into his normal life experiment.

   He slowly turned back around, sat in his barstool, and stared down into his half filled drink. The thought of switching didn't bother him, he had prepared for that when he started. There just probably wouldn't be a pretty brown haired girl willing to talk to him there though.

   The armored officers noticed his behavior and immediately spread out in a large semi circle around him. The officer with the pistol put his gun down and addressed the crowd.

   "Alright, everyone get out and go home. This place is closed."

   Twin sighed with relief, now he didn't have to change schools, just come up with a convincing story. It would probably make him seem pretty badass. 

   "Not you." He saw Sarah sit down again quickly, a look of terror in her eyes. Twin sighed, maybe not so easy. They got the wrong message about who she was.

   The semi circle had closed in around them as terrified coeds streamed out the door trying to stay as far away from the guns as they could. As soon as they were alone, the rifles dropped and small handheld tasers came out and aimed at Twin.

   "Who are you."

   The question the leader asked burned into his mind, both because of how it echoed the question he had just answered, and for how much more important the answer he gave this one would be. This time, a complicated question called for a complicated answer. Continuing to stare down at his drink, his answer echoed through the silent and empty room.

   "My name is TwinHits, I'm a Jedi Knight in service of The Order."

   He felt, rather than saw, the shock in Sarah's eyes and her jaw drop open. The officer simply smiled.

   "Good. Now, I'm afraid you will have to come with me. If you refuse, we will restrain you then drag you along with us."

   He continued to not look up. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm afraid I don't go home with strangers."

   "Well, I'm afraid that I must insist."

   Afraid. What a strange word. A moment ago he felt fear when simply talking to a girl out of his element. Now, all the fear was in her and none of it in him. He was now where he was meant to be, where he was born to be, and what he had trained all his life to be.

   He slowly turned his head towards Sarah and met her eyes with his.

   "Forgive me."

   Twin stood, spun with his arm and knocked the officers helmet sideways obscuring his vision, his other hand curled into a fist which met the officer's stomach. Twin heard the sound of six tasers firing at him, but he had already summoned the Force to send his barstool up and around to stop five of the shots while his cup intercepted the shot of the officer with slightly slower reflexes. 

   The half dozen remaining officers dropped their now useless weapons and prepared to restrain their target physically. But by the time the first weapon was halfway to the floor, he was already in the closest officer's face. He kneed the officer in the stomach and slammed his elbow into the back of his neck while he was doubled over. He then shifted his head and let a punch fly over his shoulder before grabbing the owner's arm, pulling it over his own shoulder, and sending it and its owner flying into a third officer. Fueled by a telekinetically charged attack, both sailed across the room and slammed into the wall and collapsed in a heap.

   The remaining three were two steps away from him, which he took as if climbing an invisible staircase five feet into the air. He snapped out with each leg, kicking the first two in the face before spinning and landing a third kick on the side of the last officer's head with such force that he spun horizontally and slammed his head on the bar top.

   "Stop."

   The chilling voice came just as he landed. he slowly turned around to find the initial officer had gotten up, removed his twisted helmet, and now held a terrified Sarah in a headlock with his sidearm to her head. Twin adopted a proper hand-to-hand combat stance and stared straight into his eyes. They stared at each other for a moment before Twin stopped and held out his arms.

   "Fine."

 

~

[TwinHits]

  "Good morning, everyone."

   The pre-class conversation slowly ground to a stop. This was no one's favorite class. The professor was old, tired, and had clearly taught this class too many times before.

   "Before we begin the lecture, I have an announcement to make. I have never really been interested in foreign and domestic policy and for the fourth year in a row I have requested permission to teach on my favored subject, the Jedi Knight."

   The class was silent and very confused. They had all heard of the Jedi, both through the popular Hollywood movies and in reference to a sort of mythical order of sword-wielding evil-fighting warriors. 

   "I was again refused, for the dean does not believe them worthy of study. I proceeded to tender my resignation effective at the end of the week. That means we have two more sessions of this class which we will be spending discussing something far more interesting. Any questions so far?"

   There continued to be silence. One hand slowly rose into the air. "Will this be on the final?"

   The professor smiled. "Probably not. But it would do you well to listen because this is actually important. I guarantee you that what you think you know about the Jedi is fable and what you've seen portrayed in Hollywood movies is actually surprisingly accurate. Thus, we must begin at the beginning."

   The professor tapped the keyboard and the projector screen behind him changed from black to a strange symbol. It was silver, glossy, and formed a circle surrounding a cross between a temple and a fist.

   "Now, what is The Order?"

~

   The world is a cesspool, he thought. Disgust poured off of him in waves. The world is a broken, sinful place, and he hated it. But, it's what made him strive to become something better. Maybe, just maybe, every good act he did would make the world a little bit brighter. Hope for a better world, he always told himself, maybe we can make tomorrow a better day. Though in reality, it just felt like they were delaying the inevitable. 
   
   He was tracking something, something different. The use of the Force always left a trail distinctive to that person, but what made this different was that he did not recognize the trail. For example, Ashley's trail smelled like flowers freshly cut and shampooed hair, felt like comfortable trustworthy shoes, or sounded like a song you've heard before but were trying to remember. This one was different, it was just malevolence. Nothing special or symbolic linking back to the personality of the owner, nothing as complex as what he was used to. It was just simply malevolence. Evil was terribly predictable, he had heard someone say.

   It was his job to know every trail and who they belonged to and there were no Force users outside of The Order. Well, maybe that's just what they told themselves. If this trail led to what it felt like, finding a name for it wouldn't be hard, Hollywood movies had already provided a name for them to borrow.

   He followed the trail into one of countless unnamed office buildings and made his way towards the top. He always started at the top, it seemed to him like everything important happened on the top floor. Easy access to the roof, probably.

   A moment later, he was at a pair of glass doors that looked into a large conference room. In it was a large table surrounded by high powered chairs and at the end, a figure, looking out the windows at the cityscape around them.

   Jaster opened the door and stepped inside. Unsurprisingly, the door closed behind him and the figure turned around perfectly on cue. It was only then that Jaster realized that the figure was gigantic, nearly seven feet tall. His hands and feet hinted at jet black matte armor but his massive cloak hid everything save for his hooded face, shrouded by a pitch black darkness instead.

   Jaster did not move, he stayed where he had the most room to maneuver and an easy escape route. It's just, the giant in front of him seemed so empty. It felt like nothing but malevolence yet still this glowering being still stood in front of him. He only assumed it was glowering, it didn't appear to be anything but glower. 

   "Who are you?" Jaster asked cautiously. No answer. Then again, it seemed to consider its own existence an answer. To say that it emanated darkness would be too romantic. It was darkness. It did not need to answer, every answer would be the same thing. Just darkness. 

   Jaster stepped further into the room and spoke louder, "Do you know who I am?" 

   Contempt filled the air. Darkness does not care.

   "I am a Jedi Knight. I exist to bring peace to the world, to serve and protect, I guard the guards, I watch the watchmen."
   
   Darkness still did not move, yet in the back of Gibb's mind, someone was laughing. Laughing at him.

   "I am the most powerful being you have ever set eyes on!" The laughter stopped, instead Jaster was certain Darkness was raising his eyebrows. Darkness is not impressed.

   Finally, Darkness began to move. Slowly it raised its massive head until the room's light began to sneak through the shadows. As they parted, they revealed a face Jaster knew far too well. A face formerly familiar now worn, angry, corrupted, and dark, torn apart from years of destruction and violence.

   No, he thought, and he understood. Fear gripped him, he had to end Darkness and end it now. Nothing else matters.

~

   "Would you like a drink, Master Jedi?"

   "No, thank you."

   Twin was in an interrogation room. Swinging light bulb, one way glass, table and chairs, the works. Across from him sat an older man, just past middle aged, with a dark business suit and black tie with a clip. They had been staring at each other for the past several minutes. Twin was good at staring back at people.

   "You know Jedi can read minds." Twin lied, hoping to sense a surge of panicked emotion.

   The suited man simply continued to stare. 

   "Well, it was worth a shot, I guess."

   The door opened, and one of the armored officers from the bar entered with a small cup with dark liquid in it and placed it in front of Twin.  

   "I hear you are a fan of unsweetened ice tea. Please, partake."

   Twin ignored the patronizing comment about his age. Something has gone terribly wrong, the suited man knew far more than he should. Twin chose to respond with a single blink, conceding the staring contest and hopefully signaling that it was time to move on. A folder seemed to appear in front of the suited man. He opened it, leaned it up so that Twin could not see into it, and began to nod and read.

   "Jedi Master TwinHits, no other name on record apparently. Born 1993 now age eighteen years old, knighted at age twelve, appointed Jedi Master at age fourteen-"
   
   Now something wasn't just wrong, but confusingly wrong. None of this made any sense at all. The suited man could not possibly know all this.

   Suddenly against the suited man's will, the folder tore itself from his hands and flattened against the table. The papers inside flew up and arrayed themselves midair in front of Twin. He turned them around, flipped them back around again, and then upside down before returning them back to the folder and back into the suited man's waiting hands. They were blank.

   The suited man continued to read as if nothing miraculous and amazing to the average viewer had happened.

   "In the last year since Rosslyn, TwinHits has been a frequent visitor to the White House, trying to find a way to integrate the Order into today's world. Rumored to have a close personal relationship with President Bartlet."

   This was basically true and it also made this suited man one of the most informed people in the world. He put down the folder and folded his hands on the table. TwinHits mimicked, leaned forward, then spoke.

   "You are not law enforcement."

   The suited man did not object.

   "Since you are not law enforcement, you cannot hold me here. But, since you have been nice enough to bring me iced tea, I will hear you out."

   "To make it simple and straightforward, I, and those I represent, want you to lay down your weapons, give up any attempts to make yourself relevant, disappear, and tell your masters to do the same. There is no place in this world for the Jedi."

   The scene must have looked ridiculous. A middle aged man in a suit and an eighteen year old in an untucked collared shirt staring at each other with identical looks and identical postures.

   "If you refuse, we will, regrettably, have to force the issue. It's for the greater good. The Jedi are far too dangerous to run loose in the world."

   Twin's eyes narrowed. "The Jedi are self controlling by nature, I appreciate the effort but your services will not be needed. We know our place in the world."
   
   "Yet, you seek to change it. If you wish to be accepted by the world, you must accept the world's rules. Who will guard the guards, yes?"

   The suited man paused for effect as if this statement trumped all responses. That was the thing about old sayings and adages, you said them and no one could say anything back. Twin hated them.

   "The Jedi only need the will of the Force to guide them."

   "The will of the Force, of course. So when a Jedi finds what he thinks is evil, then what does he do? Charge in and beat it up?"

   "The Force defines good and evil and decides what action we must take."

   The suited man leaned off the desk and sat back up straight, smiling. "Ah, so some mystical power that only few feel or even believe exists defines good and evil? The Jedi are the judge, the jury, and the executioner of their own brand of justice."

   "I will happily discuss with you the philosophy of the Jedi, but I'm afraid you haven't shared your name."

   "It is impolite to ask for a name without offering one."

   "You already know my name, it really is TwinHits. If we're friends now though, you can call me Twin."

   "Your friend was much more willing to give us hers, yet not so willing to tell us anything else about The Order."

   "Let her go, she doesn't know anything." Twin felt himself grow angry and knew that he had just revealed his hand.

   The suited man stood. "Perhaps there is still more for us to learn from, I would very much like to speak to your fellow Jedi."

   He turned to leave taking the folder and began to open the door.

   "Knowing as much as you think you do, do you really think that you can keep me here?"

   The suited man paused for a moment, before turning back to Twin's still angry face.

   "No." Then he opened the door, and left.

~

   Twin hated the time between classes. Technically, he hated school, but he was supposed to blend in. He was a few days in and he was still just wandering around aimlessly when he wasn't supposed to be somewhere. He could be using this time to train, but that would just make him stick out. The whole idea was that he was supposed to understand how the world really worked, taking some time to be someone other than a Jedi.

   This leg of his wandering always brought him through the music department. This time, however, he was greeted by an open practice room complete with a full band setup, and more importantly, a very lonely looking electric guitar. It would be a shame to leave it there alone, and playing the guitar would be considered pretty normal by others, or even be considered "cool" by random passerbyers.

   Twin loved the guitar, it was a sacred refuge in his life for a lot of reasons so it was easy to walk in, turn on the amp, and begin to play. When you think of an ancient order of warrior-monks you generally imagine them meditating in front of a fig tree or practicing kung fu underneath a waterfall, not rocking out in their room on an electric guitar. 

   Soon enough, his eyes were closed, his mind was open, and his fingers moved by themselves. It was so much simpler than fighting. There were rules, constraints, and much less maneuvering room on the strings. When you played a song you were building something up, not tearing something down.

   Slowly, Twin became aware that he had an audience. Once he was, he immediately stopped, feeling ashamed. He looked up to see that two boys had entered the room and were staring at him with their jaws somewhere near the floor. 

   

 

~

 

   As soon as the door shut behind the suited man, he rose and proceeded straight to it. He planted his palm in the center and it sprang open with a sudden yelp and a sickening crunch from the other side. An armored and helmeted officer turned into the doorframe with his sidearm already half way to his aim. Twin brought his forearm up to deflect his aim before bringing his other elbow up to the side of his head and throwing him back into the interrogation room. The officer stumbled to the floor as the door slammed shut, causing the other crushed and unconscious officer to fall to the floor in a heap from behind it.

   Ahead of him was only one door and a hallway offshoot. He quickly walked towards it, one objective foremost in his mind. Having heard the commotion, two more similarly armored officers turned the corner with their pistols raised. Already there, he brought his fist to the face of the first officer and spun around leading with the other to knock him down before dropping to the floor for a leg sweep against the second officer.

   He continued towards the door, put his hand on the handle and took a deep breath. He turned the handle and the door opened to reveal a open cubicle bullpen with officers in cover behind office furniture and around corners framing an identical interrogation room to his own. Inside that room, he felt one strong and terrified presence.

   A memory came to him, from just earlier that evening and seeming a lifetime previously. He was standing in front of the crowd, now the three of them: bass, drums, and guitar. His fingers were moving, guided by the Force, with Kyle's gruff voice cutting through the air.

   "Beyond the boundaries of your city's lights, stand the heroes waiting for your cry. So many times you did not bring this on yourself. But when that moment finally comes, I'll be there to help."

   This is one of those moments where everything changes. Destiny forks here with one option to turn around and to continue going forward. To Twin though, there was now no more question. He dropped his right hand to his side and relaxed once again into the Force.

   "And on that day, when you need a brother, a sister to care." A long, slightly curved metal hilt appeared as if it had always been clipped to his belt, just the looker had always failed to notice it. Without a sound it unclipped, spun in his hand, and snap-hissed into a silver-white blade.   

   "I'll be right here!"

   At the sight of the ancient Jedi lightsaber, the officers opened fire. Twin stepped in, turning, his eyes closed in concentration. His saber spun about him in an intricate pattern turning life-seeking bullets into grey dust with a slight puff of evaporating gunpowder. As he came around again to face the front again, he let his body do the dodging, only using his saber to block the true threats as he slowly walked towards his attackers, their shock and awe rolling off them in waves.

   Now it was his turn to sing.

   "And the people crying in the streets, when they're sobbing for a meal to eat. For when they simply need a place to make their beds, right here underneath my wings, you can rest your head."

   Jaster ran the length of the table, flipping sideways halfway across to conceal the drawing of his green lightsaber before bringing it up for an overhead slash down aimed at his opponent's chest. To his shock and surprise, Darkness threw his arm behind his back and spun into existence his own crimson red blade emitting from an enormous hilt. The dark figure brought it up to deflect the overhead blow then down low to stop the follow up swing at his legs. Darkness brought his blade back up for a vicious side-sweep, but it was caught by Jaster's elegant parry from behind the back. Jaster stepped back and lunged pressing his blade into his opponent. Darkness sidestepped, brought his fist down on the inside of Jaster's elbow before planting a thrust kick into his chest that sent him sailing across the room into the overly large chairs around the conference room table.

   "Citizen/Soldier, holding the life of the ones that we guide from the dark of despair. Standing on guard for the ones that we shelter, we'll always be ready because we will always be there."

   "There..."

   The song was over and he was sweating. For all the countless hours he had spent playing, for all the  love he had poured into his art, he had never played before an audience before. No one had ever cheered for him or encouraged him for his music had been for him and him alone. Now, it seemed the whole world had turned to him, full on in their attention. The crowd roared and cheered while a heavy hand clapped on his shoulder. It belonged to Kyle who said something back the bartender and owing Twin a drink.

   "There..."

   Watching himself in the memory, he turned to see across the club a girl, at first just as nervous as he had been, make her way across the dance floor and seat herself at the bar next to him. Strange such a small choice would lead him here.

   "There..."

   That memory was all that seemed important to him as he danced through the room amidst a storm of gunfire. Each step was farther down a path that he could not take back. Violence begets violence, an endless cycle of destruction.

   "Hope and pray that you never need me, but rest assured I will not let you down. I walk besides you but you may not see me the strongest among you may not wear a crown!"

   A break in the gunfire, and it was over. Twin brought a hand up and one of the officers flew backwards into the reloading officer behind him. A chair he was hiding flew up and hit another while a small cabinet flew into orbit around Twin and began absorbing incoming shots. Twin deactivated his lightsaber and began to rise slowly off the floor. His eyes closed as he let the Force flow through him, directing his every move. Furniture flew around him like a shield, breaking apart from the shots. Office supplies rose into the air and peppered their former masters while their bodies were thrown about before being slammed unconscious against the walls. Soon the room was silent.

   "Citizen/Solider. Holding the life of the ones that we guide from the dark of despair."

   Darkness was several heads taller than he was and had an much longer reach. Jaster bounced from chair to table and wall to land blows from every angle, but the giant pale blue blade was always there. 

   Jaster paused for a moment to reconsider his strategy, to which Darkness responded by flicking a chair at him. Jaster dropped to dodge, allowing the chair to fly over him and crash through the window, and launched himself head first with his blade spinning before him. He was suddenly stopped as Darkness caught his arms, blade still lit, and slammed him to the table, pinning him against it. He brought his weapon up to behead him, but a free leg bounced against his armored kidney. Distracted by the satisfying dong, Jaster used the moment to wrench himself free, duck under the restraining arm and leap up to deliver and fierce spinning kick against his opponent's head.

   But Darkness's elbow was already there in Jaster's chest, throwing him back into the chairs. Instead of veering for another attack, Jaster bounded out the broken window, grabbed the sill and leapt to the roof. Bounding to the next building over, Jaster hazarded a look behind him. Darkness was gone.

   "Citizen/Solider. Standing on guard for the ones that we shelter."

   The office was a waste, Twin strode forward. Deep down he knew that he was not in control, he knew that he had made the choice to enter this room for one reason. He knew that he was acting on instinct, on a primal urge he could not explain.

   But now there was nothing more important to him than opening that door and seeing the tall brown haired girl with the face, her eyes swollen from the tears and filled with fright. Nothing seemed more urgent then to offer his hand, take hers, and run to safety.

   He told himself he was doing his duty, saving an innocent from injustice and resisting the suited man in the name of the Force. Deep down though, he knew it simply because a single girl had seen him play, seen him across the dance floor, sat down next to him, and deemed him worthy enough to talk to.

   "Cause we will always be there."

[eezstreet]

Well, your writing certainly is interesting. Allow me to point out a few points though, that I noticed from the first story. The good parts first:

• Introduction is very gripping, and has an excellent use of foreshadowing
• The atmosphere sits well with me. It has a good use of tension.
• The plot, while rather simple from the outset, is pretty interesting and enough to keep people engaged.
• The characterization is pretty good. We get a decent feel for what goes on in the mind of TwinHits, not so much for the girl, but to be fair there isn't much to work with here
• The initial part with the Jedi was a bit alienating at first, but now that I think about it, the idea sits well with me and it's definitely an interesting idea.

 

The things which probably need improved on:

• Some minor grammar, spelling and punctuation mistakes. To be expected, of course.
• The dialogue felt really stale and unnatural. Especially the part with the iced tea. Not many people say "unsweetened iced tea", at least not that I know of. Might try a brand name or something in that particular instance in order to make things more realistic. I had a particularly hard time finding any sort of words like "said" now that I mention it. That, along with details can turn sentences from this:
  

  "TwinHits. That's a strange name."

  
  Into more interesting blurbs of dialogue, such as this:
  

  "TwinHits. That's a strange name," she said, intrigued. "<another little blurb or witty quip here>"

• The part with the Jedi stuff didn't make any sense? Maybe I missed the details, but I don't recall any reference at all to this training or anything that's going on. Just that he's a guy with training who's apparently a Jedi, and that apparently has an effect on Sarah, all for reasons that we don't know about. We also have no idea why the SWAT officers are there. Are they coming to get the guy? It just doesn't seem all that clear to me.

[TwinHits]

Thanks for reading, @@eezstreet! Thanks for your good comments, all the things you said were all the things that I hoped for.

 

The comment I've gotten the most often is about the dialogue, which is something I'm not that good at. I never pinned down the Iced Tea as part of the problem but I think you are totally right. I'll take another pass at it!

 

I'm sure there's a word for words like 'said' and such, but I don't like them. I do use the structure you described frequently, but in this case it's on purpose in the first half of the chapter. I feel like it creates a weird separation between his mind and what he is doing and goes a long way towards building the tension you desceibed. I'm going to go back and reread though to make sure that its not causing problems though.

 

As for your final point, well, if I told you all that in the first half of the first chapter, I wouldn't have much of a plot. But, I think nearly all those questions get answered in the second half of the chapter, but far more interesting ones quickly arise .

 

But, seriously, thank you for reading!

[Mysterious Stranger]

I looove Earth x SW fics!

 

Please, continue D:

[Jango40]

I would care to read it if your posts didn't have 2-line-mini-paragraphs.

[TwinHits]

@@Mysterious Stranger I will! I will post the second chapter tonight.

 

@@Jango40 My paragraphs will be exactly as long as they need to be.

[therfiles]

Wow...that was awesome!

 

You have great talent for a writer! The story was very gripping and I'm intrigued to find out what's gonna happen next. I like the role you have placed the Jedi in, kind of like a secret, exiled, group that seeks to fight for justice. I like Jester, his role is very interesting. How you portrayed him and his foe was awesome, too. I also love how you have the main character, Twin, trying to fit in with the normal world, but somehow always sticking out. While some people may get upset with the jumping of viewpoints, I actually like that style very much. And the way you weaved in the song was also very impressive. Overall, a very interesting read that I can't wait to see more from!

[TwinHits]

@@therfiles Thanks a lot! That means a lot to me =). Thank you for reading all of it too (It's my longest chapter, and I cut as much as I could before I posted it.) Any chance you can point out to me a place where the viewpoint jumps that might be confusing? I don't actually know what you are referring too, but that is probably because I am too close to the writing. I'll post the next chapter tonight!

[therfiles]

What I meant by that was the part with the song in it, it jumped around quite a bit. But I thought it was a really cool writing style, so no complaints from me!

[TwinHits]

Thank you guys for your comments! It really means a lot to me. Here's the next chapter, it's much shorter.

 

~TikTok~

   "Please, have a seat, and take off your shoes. I do not have much time to clean."

   "I will not do anything until you tell me who you are and what the hell just happened."

   She was visibly trembling, holding herself against the wall with her arms up and crossed. Her eyes darted around the room, terrified that anything might happen. He knew better than to approach her, he stayed his distance.

   "I am not telling you anything until you sit down and are prepared to listen."

   "I don't trust you! I don't know who you are, or what you did, or what-"

   "Sit down and listen to me!" Behind those words, he put a powerful Force suggestion. He instantly regretted it as she quickly strode across the room, sat down, looked confused as to how she got there, and began to cry. He sighed and turned around to go into the kitchenette. The apartment was small, but it had a living room and a kitchen that he rarely used. It was kept in order merely to maintain the illusion that someone actually lived here. 

   He drew a glass from the cabinet, wiped the dust off, then filled it with water before returning to the living room and placing it on the coffee table in front of her. He then sat down on the floor across the table from her and waited. He did not look at her, but waited to be addressed. He hoped that she would stop crying soon, he had absolutely no idea what to do otherwise.

   "They took my cell phone." Eventually, she spoke, whipping her eyes and bring her knees off the floor to her chest, still keeping her eyes down.
   
   "Pardon me?"

   "They took my cell phone, I can't call anyone, they don't know where I am, I have no way to get home."

   "I will take you home when you are ready. But I feel like you have more questions right now than will to go home."

   She looked up from her arms and down at where he sat across the room.

   "Why do you care?"
   
   "I don't need to know someone in order to help them."   

   She reached out and took the glass of water and sipped. 

   "Tell me the truth this time, who are you?" 
   He took a moment to look around the bare apartment. The furniture was unused, there were no signs of photos of friends or family, no real reason to think that anyone lived here for any length of time. The apartment existed just for the functional purpose of maintaining the illusion of a normal college life. The only signs of life were the two people sitting across the room from each other and a single red rose held in a vase between them. One waited with bated breath for the other's words, while the other carefully prepared to speak. 

   He stood, took the rose from the vase, and handed it to her to hold. Then he sat down on the couch, faced her, looked into her eyes again, took a deep breath, and began to speak.

   "There is evil in the world. Violence, hatred, corruption, betrayal, and despair. Evil that tries to destroy, evil that tries to take away everything we ever have or hope to build. An evil that penetrates the very nature of the world, deceiving it into believing that it is not there. Deceiving the world into thinking that there is nothing that can be done, that the fight is too long, the fight is too hard, or not worth fighting at all."

   "Me? I am a the shining light that holds back the tides of darkness, that stands at the door and holds the angel's flaming sword and declares that no more shall pass into the realms of men. That no darkness shall creep through, and no cry shall go unheard, for the power we have been granted is for us to serve, and to sacrifice."

   "My name is TwinHits, and I am a Jedi Knight."

~

   "The crime scene had been abandoned for the night, the detectives had come and gone, taking the bodies and the evidence with them. All that was left was the damage on the ground, a deep sear left for the city to clean up. To Jaster, this was just another sign of a broken world covered in darkness, another two young men left dead in an alleyway with no names, no pasts, and no unfortunately now no future. 

   This was what he hated, all he had been doing was wandering, trying to understand why Darkness had appeared to him. But he was pulled from his thoughts and back into the night surrounded once again by death. Everywhere he turned, he could never get away from it. 

   Around him he could feel the confusion as authorities tried to grapple the mystery that lay before them. Jaster knelt near a grove on the floor and ran his fingers along it's edge. It was cold, smooth, and mysterious to all but Jaster. Unfortunately, lightsabers did not leave marks that could be traced back to a particular weapon, nor would the investigators know to look for or expect to find them. Instead, Jaster sat crossed legged in the center of the alleyway, closed his eyes, and allowed the impressions of the alleyway to fill him. Slowly they filled him, and he felt only more hatred.

   Men, filled with primal hunger, lurk in the darkness. Metal glints in the moonlight, eyes search and wait. Light feet enter, a trap is sprung, the hunger burns. This was a story Jaster had seen too many times, and anger filled him as he began to seethe. But instead of sadness and anguish, he felt laughter. Metal is dropped, man flee, no mercy, quick death. 

   The faint smell of perfume, flash of high heeled boots, feeling of a lithe body turning in your arm, a hint of girlish laugher. This was not a trail he had felt before.

   Nor was it one he feared to feel again, yet he was tired of running into trails that he did not know when he was supposed to know all of them. Jaster knew that the first thing he was supposed to do was tell the others, but neither of them would believe him. Plus, it was unnecessary to risk anyone else. He needed proof. He stood up, and reached out and searched for the trail, feeling like this was all too soon again.

   Finding nothing, he knew that this hunt would be harder. This trail was far more subtle than simply darkness. Putting his hands back into his pockets, he again began to wander.  
   
   What really bothered him was the body count. A Jedi was not killer. No Jedi aimed to kill, it was never the right thing to do. Only God gets to kill people. The presence of two bodies meant something was exceptionally wrong.

   His thoughts turned back to Darkness and the face that hid beneath the hood. That was a face that would kill, that was a face that Jaster had to find a way to stop before it took away a life very precious to him.

   ~

   The Professor looked up at the emblem on the screen.

   "The Jedi are surprisingly simple, and from that simplicity, we can gather a lot of conclusions. Together, we'll logically reach these conclusions, and so the simple is where we will start. I hope none of you are atheists."

   Turning back around, he addressed his slightly bewildered class.
   
   "I say that, because the presence of the Jedi and their source of power, the Force, means that there is something non-physical that we cannot explain. Before you ask me for proof of something I cannot access, if you assume it's existence, you will find a number of gaps in your explanation of the Jedi explained."

   A hand shot into the air, but the Professor knew a philosophy minor when he saw one, and ignored it.

   "According to the Jedi, the Force is, and I know you will all find this familiar, an energy field generated by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together."

   The class laughed, and the Professor continued.
   
   "There are those, by genetic lottery, who are blessed with permission to access this power. They are very few, but if we look at history, we can find a number of individuals with unexplained powers. This power manifests itself into three primary powers. Control, affect, and alter. As cool as these sound, we know very little about them, besides the most direct implications like telekinesis."

   "The best evidence of the presence of an 'Order' is only about twenty years old, however circumstantial evidence dates it back nearly two-thousand years. We will discuss two events in particular, one this class, and one the next. Both of them have happened recently, and are the basis of most of the discussion about the Jedi. 
   
   "Very few doubt the Order's existence now, at least those that are paying attention, in fact many believe that in the next few months, The Order is going to become very apparent and very important."

   "But first, The Force itself. Yes?"

   "Sir." A young red headed girl in the second row had raised her hand. "How have people not noticed this Force before? An all pervasive energy field must be hard to miss."

   "I'm not saying that the Force is beyond science, but rather that science is not adequately equipped to study it. They are two different levels of existence, and it appears that the Jedi are the only link between them. Maybe someday we will begin to understand, but for the moment, however, we must be content just to watch."

~

   Back on the rooftop, where he belonged. The struggle of understanding both the deaths and the Darkness haunted him as he stared off into the city's lights.  Jaster doubted either of the other Jedi would be helpful, one had plunged into the depths of depression trying to grapple with her own identity, while the other was so shut down due to his age that any discussion would only lead to another argument.

   He closed his eyes and opened himself up to the Force, praying for wisdom and courage. He was immediately answered, for as soon as he centered himself, the trace came back. Sheer cloth to the touch, blow of hair out of the eyes, a fresh stamp on the back of her hand. He spun around and behind him sat a girl, blonde, thin, of average height, and with a sharp complexion. She was dressed in tight jeans and high-heeled boots, just enough to split attention from her generous and unconcealed plunging v-neck club shirt.

   "Hey." She said, her feet rocking back and forth where she perched, her hands on the ledge. She looked relaxed, happy, and mildly curious.

   He waited, silent, and so did she, expression unchanging. She was completely confident.

   "Who are you?" He said. He actually had absolutely no idea.

   "I'm Kate." She hopped off the ledge and leaned against it instead, as if with that name alone you should know who she is.

   "Did you kill those two men?"

   "Yes, I did. They wanted something I didn't want to give them. Their violence ended with violence, and they will pain no one no more."

   ""That was wrong, death is wrong."

   "Is it? They had their minds set on harming me in one of the gravest ways possible, likely to kill me afterwards. Is that not self defense? Is that not justified, Jedi?"

   "Only God gets to kill people."

   "You're one to talk, God-like man borrowing His power. Riddle me this, is my life more valuable than the lives of two armed and evil men?"

   "All are equal in the eyes of the Force."

   She laughed, pushed herself off the wall and began to walk towards him.

   "My dear Watchmen, everything you have said you have repeated from somewhere else. No thought is given, you are just vomiting back words that you think are true. Tell me, Watchmen, when the Darkness comes for you, and you know perfectly well that it will, how will you save yourself? Who will guard the guards, with no threat of death to protect you?"

   Jaster looked down at possibly the least threatening women he had ever seen, and did not know what to say.

   "Who are you."

   She giggled, flashed him the strangest most enticing glance, and began to speak.

   

   "I wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy, I've got my glasses I'm out the door I'm gonna hit this city. Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back."

   She stepped back into a stance, one foot back and the other forward as she put her hand into the small of her back and spun out a double length lightsaber hilt out of which sprung a single pale blue blade which she held with both hands.

   "I'm talking pedicure on my toes, trying on all my clothes, boys blowing up my phone. Playing my favorite CDs, rolling up to the parties, trying to get a little bit tipsy."

   Then she sprang, her blade spinning around and above her as she brought it down towards him. He threw a foot back to present side-face and pulled out his own green saber to drive hers down to the ground. With his free arm he aimed an elbow for her nose, but she was already gone, ducking down around him to free her saber and now was perched up on the ledge he was overlooking. She looked down at him mockingly.

   
   "Here in the world, but got plenty of beer. Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here. And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear I got swagger, but I kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger."   

   Jaster lunged at her feet, she jumped up, flipped over him and landed spinning to slash at his back, but Jaster had already turned to parry, pushing his weapon to drive hers down to grab it. She simply let go, letting the saber spin around his before catching it again, using the moment to playfully slap him across the face. Jaster recovered angered, flipped his grip into reverse and brought it horizontal across her middle, she threw herself down, bending back at the knees, and sprang back up as it passed over her.

   "I'm talking about bout evr'ybody getting crunk, boys trying to touch my junk, gonna smack him if he's getting to drunk. I'm going till they kick me out, or the police shut me down!"
   
   Jaster saw a subtle change in her grip, and prepared to move. Out of the other end of her double length saber sprang a matching pale blue blade which she brought up to bisect him side to shoulder. He whirled around her, striking several times along the way, but  each one was stopped by a spinning barrier of light that began to form around her as she spun and twisted her lightsaber.

   "Don't stop, make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up, tonight I'mma fight til we see the sunlight. Tick tock on the clock, but the party don't stop!"

   He sprang away and lifted his hand, summoning the Force to blow her off the edge. As the wave hit, she lifted gracefully in the air, and landed cleanly on the ledge. She smiled, as she now held two sabers, her own transparent and smooth staff and the familiar clean cut lines of his own green. In his concentration, she had pulled his saber from his grip and now she held it spinning a few inches above her spread fingers.

   "You build me up, you break me down, my heart it pounds yeah you got me. With my hands up you got me now, you got that sound, yeah you got me."

   With that she fell backwards, throwing Jaster's saber in the air. Turning in midair, she fell into a headfirst dive, totally in control and gracefully racing towards the ground.   
   
   "With my hands up, put your hands, put your hands up!"

   Courage, then, he told himself. The Force is your ally as much as it is hers. He ran forward, and swan dived off the roof to follow her taunting voice. Reaching out, he summoned his lightsaber falling above him back to his hand. He caught it, reactivated it, and brought it to bear just as he reunited with her midair.

   "Now the party don't start till I walk in."

   They landed on the windows and began running down the side of the building, the light of their weapons reflecting off the glass floor. They bounded off towards one another, exchanged parried blows, before taking each other's spot on their gravity defying race towards the ground. Again they bounced off each other, landing separated, before leaping again into the air, clashing twice and switching positions, calling on the Force to slow their descent.

   "Don't stop, make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up, tonight I'mma fight til we see the sunlight. Tick tock on the clock, but the party don't stop!"

   Jaster came upon a window cleaner's perch and with a single swipe he had a rope. One end he bound to his arm and as the ground approached he leapt off from running down the side of the building  and swung towards her with his feet out for a savage slam.

   He passed through where she was flying, but she was already gone with only the faintest sound of laughter to herald her departure. Jaster let go of the rope, landed smoothly onto the empty street, and extinguished his lightsaber. She had fled. As he returned the hilt to his belt, turned to the streets, and put his hands in his pockets. He hoped he would find answers soon before he had to seek help from the others, her words still echoing in his ears.. 

[Mysterious Stranger]

Very strange and by that I mean its intriguing in a way I can't explain.

 

Keep going =D