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Lamented

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    1. MoonDog

      MoonDog

      I wish more people would take up writing, great for you. I think you are a tad robust on the amount of adjectives for a short story. Leave some room for the reader to fill in the blanks.

    2. Lamented

      Lamented

      Thanks for the advice. Also, I'm writing more parts to this story and check out my other story for now, if you want: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9532931/1/Star-Wars-Order-of-the-Sith-Lords-Savage-Opress

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