Cleaned up the meshes in Blender by remapping the UVW's and taking care of the seam problem... That's literally all that was wrong after I set my LOD's and parenting/hierarchies correctly. Originally I modeled in 3DS Max 2010, exported the elements in the scene as an OBJ, and finally imported them into Blender... Well Blender didn't like that and got jealous I was using another modeling application, so as I previously mentioned I redid everything in Blender. And when I say I did it, I actually mean a clanmate did it for me and thus deserves all the credit. I'd tag him if he had a JKHub account.
Anyways, I'd just be careful about the seam stuff in Blender like mrwonko described... I still don't fully understand it, but I don't think I'll be back for more anytime soon.
Key's post in Exporting GLM was marked as the answer