Ok, so i'm trying to write a few stories and...

[the_raven]

I can't think of a good enough conflict. Basically, i'm currently trying to write two stories.
The first one is very psychedelic, a sort of follow-up to a short-story i once wrote in high school. Problem here is that unlike the original story, which i felt strongly inspired about, and wrote in one sitting, the follow-up has only a basic outline of the setting, characters and main factions (as well as a few details here and there) but i can't think of a good enough sequence of events/ encounters/ adventures for the protagonist. The original - called 'Dadasopher' - followed a mysterious man as he travelled the world in search of enlightenment, and how he finally succeeded in his search, and become a god-like figure. The follow-up is supposed to explore more of the world, and to show how the man's influence fell upon it (directly or indirectly) through the eyes of a new protagonist and his followers. My idea here is to provide a kind of allegory of our own world but without using actual names and locations.
The second is more of an adventure story set on a faraway moon in the relatively-far future when humanity mastered interstellar travel and outworld colonization. I'm thinking of writing the first installment (prologue, if you will) as a kind of planetary romance, and the follow-ups to be through the eyes of a local, or locals (if i decide, for some reason, to divide it into several stories, each describing the various societies present), set even farther into the future - the reason for this is because the guy from the prologue changes the world completely, so society starts from scratch in his own image. This story i want to be a "simple" fantasy-adventure on a faraway world, no allegories or anything, just a story with rule-of-cool incroppings, but obviously not a SW rip-off But again, the problem is that i have an outline of the world, but no idea on the actual events and adventures. It's kinda silly, i know 'How can you write an adventure story, if you can't think of any adventures? You should quit while you're ahead!', but that's why i'm asking for here, some advice on such writer's block from peops who also write, even if only as a hobby.

You'll probably want some more info on the settings before suggesting anything, and if so, tell me about it.

Any help is appreciated

[the_raven]

Oh-kay, so here's the original story Dadasopher. Read 'em and weep.

Note: the text is supposed to be wonky, however, some of the expressions didn't transition properly into English (since it's a translation), and therefore part of the humor may be lost. You have been warned.

 

Chapter 1

«If Chisinau is a big village, then I must be the village’s fool!»

George Corbul

The people were looking at Evgraf as though he were sane – a sane person that was a drop of ointment in racial madness. How could they possibly understand that the bears flew north in winter, and that Evgraf was galloping after them atop a sofa filled with rocks? Once they understood, it was too late: Evgraf stood in front of them in his whole suit, and the sofa was inhaling the ice off their sweaty backs.

It was a theatre; a theatre of war in the lead chest’s lower cabbage’s upper layers’ asthenosphere. Evgraf was now clad in a cloak, and he much resembled the king of legumes. The people were weeping, and a horse looked back at a nickering physiognomy. Suddenly, Evgraf pronounced “Salami!”, and a boulder fell from the skies, squishing the horse and the physiognomy; Evgraf said “Boulder!” expecting rain, but another boulder fell... The people, upon seeing the miracles of Evgraf, sat on the floor and began heeding his yelling. It was cold. The people thought that it was supposed to be that way. All of the sudden, out of nowhere, without warning came - a bear!

Silence began to knock; a butterfly effect happened somewhere… The bear stood at the other side of the crowd. Evgraf, full of determination, pulled an accordion out of his tricorne, and… threw it into the crowd. In response, the crowd pushed out a man. He was shivering at the sight of the sofa. Evgraf lifted his arm and pointed the man toward the bear. The man approached the bear and saying – “Yes?” – lifted the accordion, which previously brought by someone from the crowd. The bear, in all its grandeur, with its big black eyes, firmly said “No!”, and the poor man began playing a melody that melted the snow all around, and made blooming flowers.

On the other end of the crowd, the blizzard became worse. Evgraf, happy with the result, was furious. Tucking his fur-coat into his underpants, he turned the sofa around and galloped off, leaving the crowd at the mercy of the bear, which stood next to the accordionist, as if analyzing the transpiring events.

Evgraf rode for a long time, a very long time indeed. He rode past the paper sea, and the Styrofoam. He saw the forefathers sailing between huge chunks of glass. And finally, it became warm. Trees began to appear, palm trees too. The black sand grew tomatoes and potatoes. There it was – the first human settlement in a long time!

The settlement was crude. The people here were divided into two groups – the blind and the seeing. A television shone above the settlement. The locals permanently stood in place, staring at it, and later cried because their eyes burned out. The other blind ones would ask questions about whose house they spent the previous night at, and what it looked like. Indeed, what does the night look like?

Evgraf observed them for a little longer and left, saying that the mustache disappears at midnight. He no longer had the sofa filled with rocks; instead, he had a rice-stuffed armchair.

Night was closing in. Evgraf’s cheek began to turn red, and at midnight, his mustache disappeared, and a beard appeared in its place. “Oh, how I eat these pistols!” screamed Evgraf pitifully.

A giant moon hid behind a mountain. In its background, there stood two men with a donkey. They were each wearing a cap of Monomakh.

- Hello! – said the echo.

- Echo! Don’t interrupt the persons’ discussion with the donkey! – said Evgraf.

It became silent. The figures from the mountain began jumping and flailing their arms. Other ones would look at them.

- Risen! – thought the armchair.

- Indeed is Christ. – thought Evgraf.

Morning happened. Evgraf sprawled into the armchair and fell asleep. All night long, the figures would live on the mountain with vibrations in the background. This needed to be slept over. Once Evgraf came off the air, he found himself sitting on a log. The fur-coat was gone – the armchair had highjacked it. Or maybe it was the fur-coat that highjacked the armchair? Evgraf did not worry, he knew – they were in good hands. He now only had his underpants, his coat, and his tricorne. The log was boring, so Evgraf left. He headed towards the straightening of a pen. The cold made the body convulse.

Parto-Elastíca was boiling. Its bottom was flashing painfully. The absolute began to boil, and a kettle was thrown at it. The kettle hit, and broke the glass. The boiling Absolute pushed down a sewing machine, which caused the steam to knock the hedgehogs together, the planes out of the skies, and everybody else off their rockers. Elephants would jump, and pies would crawl out of books. “Nothing unusual here. Why am I so attentively following this anyway?” Evgraf swotted, pulling his underpants onto his head. All this was as natural as tasty cheese.

- Where’s the sky, where’s the sky? – whispered an elephant as it approached Evgraf.

- The sky? The sky is where all is well… – said Evgraf dreamfully.

- You’re talking about Heaven, aren’t you? – asked the elephant.

- Heaven? Such nonsense! No, I’m talking about the sky itself! There are boulders that fall on demand! Why, think you, the bears travel north by sky, and not by train, ship, or lamp? It is because the sky has everything! And if it has everything, then all is well there! Think about it.

Here, the elephant also looked at the traveler as though he were sane. The body would heavily convulse in a coffin, somewhere on the side.

- Hey, body! Stop convulsing! – Evgraf shouted.

- But I am cold! – Answered the body, and the elephant covered it with a coffin mug.

Noises sounded. They needed to be removed, but there was no spoon. Hysteria began. The citizens of Parto-Elastíca screamed all together, they then sighed, and moaned. Thoughts went off.

- What’s with your hair? – Someone shouted in the distance.

- It hurts! – Someone answered.

Evgraf understood that it was better to have not removed the noises, but it was too late – the job was done. And it does not matter how he reached Parto-Elastíca, what’s important is that the city fell into chaos, which caused Evgraf to feel confusion and hunger.

The rubber-ducky was burning…

 

Chapter 2

«What does Romania have to do with the regiment?»

Ecaterina Turcanu

A pipe looked out of the ground. It was yellow and it was looking at everything. Evgraf mounted it and rode towards Mount Noroi-Yama. The Yama was full of dirt, and the pipe stopped. Evgraf – following the sudden stop – flew forward like a priest that was thrown off a roof by two flyboys.

- Tell me, sonny, where is your meat? – He was asked by an old woman.

- I have none – said Evgraf firmly while getting up and dusting himself.

- I know everything that’s going on in Parto-Elastíca, at the Pole-North, and everywhere else you arrive. But worst thing is that you lost your armchair and fur coat!

- And what are you planning to do about it?

- Me? I will bring you back on the true path! On the right path, for everywhere you arrive, chaos follows…

- Chaos? And what about the settlement with the TV, or the mountain that hides behind the moon?

- The sole fact that those places are the way they are already speaks that you, and those like yourself, are a disease! What, you think you’re the first one?

- Oh, so you’re an Inquisitor? Or maybe you’re a doctor?

- No. But I do know that I am alright, and that you are not!

- Look around! Everything you see – do you think that a normal, alright person is capable of seeing these things?

- I will not be goaded by you! You say that flying bears, yellow pipes that swim above ground, jumping elephants, and so on, are not normal?

- They are absolutely normal, and you just lost! This is also normal.

- I wish you to be normal too!

- Thank you.

- Screw you too!

The old woman pulled a balloon from her bag, blew it up, and flew into space. “The parallels are still not crossed” though Evgraf never reaching ecstasy. He went on, further, softer; the ground under his feet became silk. The feet began whining that they cannot hear with their right eye. Evgraf told them to sniff with their left ear. They calmed down.

- Look! War is coming... with Alex – Evgraf objected.

- We can’t see! – whined the feet, sang the birds, and crowed the elephants.

- Open your mouths wider!

Now, all became clear. Evgraf figured it strange that war is untied, but on the other hand, who tied it up, and why; and how humane is it, to tie anything up anyway? And what of Alex; does he not have anything better to do, than to follow war? What if he is in love? No, he’s mad enough as it is…

A pretzel, a star, and a great lot of pink. “I should spy on them” shouted Evgraf among all else, and dressed to kill, went toward them in full parade, with an orchestra, vehicles and pawns. They welcomed him and told him their plan.

- So, you want to pit one bunch of pawns against another for badges, all the while you make foot wraps out of each other’s flags? – Evgraf asked.

- No. Our flag will not be made into foot wraps! Or will it? No! It will be made not into foot wraps but…into bed sheets! And ancient DJ-s will be wrapped into them!

- Makes sense – squeaked the parade, and Evgraf added.

- But will there be badges?

- Of course – exclaimed the War – as many as one desires! For each according to merit! They will all be walking covered in badges, much like the empty youth of yore, the one that wore stupid clothes and haircuts!

Evgraf left, parade collapsed.

With War and Alex moan remained.

A hit from shot was heard:

The war has passed, and Alex stayed.

Evgraf decided to return to the crowd. He again said “stone” and a boulder fell. He shattered the boulder, stuffed it into upholstery, and rode.

The new sofa was hearty and fresh. In just six minutes, they made it to the Pole-East. The crowd there decomposed in front of the bear still. The bear gave Evgraf a new fur coat, to what Evgraf said “Stone square, and cube!”, and a number of stones fell. Evgraf climbed the stones to the sky and began fixing norm with madness.

Now, all will be well here as well…

 

Epilogue

«Makes sense that it doesn’t make sense!»

Lily

Someone broke a hole in a door:

- I hear you thinking!

- And I hear you hearing!

- What? No! How?!

- Like that. Now leave!

The voices were arguing in Evgraf’s head. But the sky was too perfect.

- I summon you! – whispered Evgraf, and suddenly came three brutal men and…Valery? – You are my riders! Silence the voices in the sky, or I will return to earth!

- Alright, we’ll do everything in the most metal way possible!

The voices became silent. It is now nice and quiet here.

The dice are only rolled once a year…